Wednesday, 31 December 2014

THANK YOU LORI

Hi guys, I had planned on my previous post being the last of the year, however I realised I missed out someone who has become quite important to me over the last few months. Without being soppy I just wanted to write a little post showing my appreciation to her.

I met Lori on the first day of my new college course. I felt way out of my comfort zone, I was incredibly reserved and I just generally felt out of place. But as soon as we got chatting I realised how similar we are. We like the same things, we have the same attitude towards lots of different things and we hope to go on some crazy adventures in 2015.

Having only known Lori for a couple of weeks she quickly learned everything about me. Bad times, good times and everything in between. The best trait I think any person can possess is the ability to just listen, take some of the strain from you when you're going through a tough time. She is someone that I really look up to because she's incredibly outgoing, she does things that are scary and doesn't worry about the consequences. I want to be like this. I want to stop worrying about what could go wrong rather than just living in the moment.

Already, just being around her 3 days a week at college has changed me as a person. I've told her my crazy dreams and her support means so much to me. I'm starting to worry less about things that don't matter. There's no doubt in my mind that Lori has helped this change. We're planning on doing some crazy things in the New Year, things that will push me way out of my comfort zone.

So I guess what's left to say is thank you. Thank you Lori for inspiring me to better myself, thank you for making me fear less, making me laugh with some of the ridiculous things you say and being there for me when I just need someone to listen.

2015's going to be great, I just know it.
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THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE SO FAR - 2014

After a rocky end to 2013 (READ HERE) I was determined to make 2014 better. This is going to be quite a long, ramble post so be prepared for a big post! I'm going to write about the year in months, so let's begin.

JANUARY
January wasn't great, I was grieving the loss of one of my dogs and to top it off I was also back at sixth form. A place that brought me no happiness. I also had some mock examinations but the first was cut short due to suffering a panic attack. The exam organisers at my school set about helping me find a coping mechanism and it was planned that my Summer exams would be set in a room on my own to help me stay calm.

FEBRUARY + MARCH
At the end of 2013 I had applied for 2 university courses at my local uni. They were to study Primary Education or Early Years Education. At this point I was pretty certain that university wasn't for me however I managed to secure an interview so went for the day. It was a good experience however I went to Northern Ireland in the holiday to see my Great Auntie and Cousin and found out that I hadn't been accepted on the course that I had applied for but had received two similar offers. They weren't what I had a applied for and I spent a long time with my family discussing what I could do as my next step. This was the first time I'd considered going to college and studying a creative/art course. One thing that my Auntie said to me has stuck in my head ever since that day; 'Everything happens for a reason'. I wasn't thrilled with the thought of University anyway so maybe this happened to stop me, to consider something else rather than spending a lot of time and money on something I wasn't sure about.

My blog had obviously taken a back seat while I had these interviews and while I was away and I decided that I wasn't happy with my blog anymore. I've been writing a blog since January 2013 (Almost 2 years now!) and I wanted a change. It just felt like everything in my life needed a refresh so I set about the task of redesigning my blog and planning new posts.

APRIL + MAY
April was a great month for my blog. I set my new blog live and managed to post 13 times! I was also gradually cracking on with my coursework for school. In May blogposts slowed down again due to having a lot of hand in deadlines for my coursework. I handed them in and then focused on finishing my full coursework subject.

JUNE + JULY
June marked the end of my secondary school and sixth form life. I sat my two final exams, handed in my final units of coursework and had my leavers assembly and prom. After this my Mum and I decided that it would be a good idea to wait and see what grades I got before deciding on my new step. To pass the time and earn a bit of money I started working for her business. It involves art and design which I love so it was a really great experience for me.

AUGUST
In August I continued to work for my Mum and in the middle of the month went back to school to collect my A level results. I didn't feel too nervous about it seeing as in my head I was 100% sure that university wasn't for me. I looked at my grades and had managed to get the grades that I needed for university. But I definitely didn't want to go. Having worked for my Mum for a couple of months I was certain that I no longer wanted to become a Primary school teacher.

I got home and declined my offer straight away. There was no doubt in my mind that that was the correct decision. I felt so much happier just through no having to be at school and wanted my happiness to continue because that's the most important thing, that I'm happy. I had a browse of a local college's website and found a Graphic Design course that involves lots of things that interest me, from product design to typography. I cautiously applied and went in for the induction day. It was hands down the greatest decision I've made this year so I enrolled and started the course at the end of August.

I also turned 18 on the 18th of August, I'm legally an adult! I decided to just have a chilled day in my favourite place with a few of my favourite people. I went to London which is a place that makes me happy and inspires me so much. I wrote a little post about it (HERE).

SEPTEMBER
My college course was in full swing by September, the people in my group are all such lovely people and overall I was just so so happy. The course is only 2 and a half days long a week so I still have time to work for my Mum. Everything about the course is great, the tutors are lovely, the content of the course is so interesting and enjoyable. In September most of my friends went of too University so that was also strange but they've all had such a great time so far.

OCTOBER
October was a great month for my blog and I'm so happy with the quality and quantity of posts that I managed to write. I finally felt like everything was working out, I had time to work, study and blog and finally found a good balance between the things that I was doing.

NOVEMBER
November was very much the same as October, blogging, working and college. All three things make me incredibly happy so November was very good month for me.

DECEMBER
December has undoubtedly been the best month. I worked every possible day for my Mum's business because orders came in thick and fast for Christmas. This meant that I was earning money and my Mum very kindly let me buy a Macbook Pro. My previous laptop was almost dead and was about 6 years old. It was time to buy a new one and I really wanted to invest in a Macbook due to it being something I've wanted for a few years. This meant that as soon as I was on Christmas break from college I got planning lots of blog posts, posting frequently and could enjoy my rest when all Christmas orders had been sent. I saw all of my family on Christmas day and Boxing day which was really nice too.

I've also noticed an increase in blog views per day which is so exciting for me, although the numbers may not seem big to other people I'm just so happy that people continue to read my silly rambles. Thank you for reading my blog through 2014 and I hope you'll stick around to see what 2015 has to offer. I've got big plans for this little space on the internet!

Be sure to check back tomorrow to see my goals for 2015! Happy New Year, see you in 2015! xx
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Tuesday, 30 December 2014

MY FAVOURITE SPOT IN LONDON

Yesterday I went in to London with one of my friends to do a bit of shopping on Oxford street. It was totally mobbed, every shop was full to bursting and the street was chocka block with thousands of people. I've never experienced anything like that in London before because I've never chosen to go during the Christmas sales. I ended up not buying a single thing, mainly because I couldn't be bothered to search through all the crap and get pushed around by inconsiderate shoppers. I ended up feeling very crowded and uncomfortable. 

It didn't feel like I was in London. Usually when I'm in London I feel calm and all my worries melt away. I didn't want to go home feeling unsatisfied or with bad feelings towards London so we decided to take a trip to my favourite place in London. Southbank.

It never feels too busy or hectic and yesterday we went when it was dark. All the lights looked so beautiful and we walked past the London Eye and the Houses of Parliament. There were very few people around which meant I could just take in the calm atmosphere and I was also able to appreciate the beauty of the city. All the buildings looked incredible and there were lots of cute stalls lined up down the side of the river. I picked up a hot chocolate and we must have walked for an hour or two. I thought I'd include photos of this area that I've taken on a couple of trips. I think this will always be my favourite spot in London.





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REMOVE THE BAD

I'm talking about friends.
Throughout school and life in general friends are found and friends are lost. It's just what happens.

I struggled to remove the bad and constantly forgave or ignored horrible things that were said about me or done to me. Because I hate change and I wanted to be accepted. I hated the thought of having to find a new group of friends if I chose to leave a previous group of friends. I struggle in those kind of situations but it's something I'm slowly learning to do. But for some reason I was so desperate to not leave these 'friends'. I used to leave the group of friends feeling like I was the topic of conversation as soon as the door closed behind me.

The reason I didn't leave my secondary to study my A levels elsewhere was because I was scared to lose my friends. So I endured two of the worst years of my life at sixth form due to my fear of change.

When I finished my A levels I didn't want to go to University but I managed to pluck up the courage to study somewhere else. I haven't look back since. I'm now a bit unsure about what to do. I feel like it's time to remove the last few 'bad' people from my life. Maybe not completely but I want them to understand that it's not the same as it used to be and these people shouldn't just assume that it is the same. Friendships are supposed to be equal and I don't feel like some of my friends are putting the effort in to seeing me, not as much as I wished to see them. But I don't miss it. Maybe it's because they were bad for me? I don't know but like I said, I'm happy now even though I haven't seen these people in a few months.

There have been people throughout my life who have said things about me that have really affected me negatively but I've forgiven them, however I don't forget because when other similar things arise in the same friendship I end up with a back log of reasons that I should not forgive the person again. I'm now surrounded by the greatest people ever at college. These people don't make me scared of being myself, I have been 100% myself since day 1. A lot of them have read my blog (something I tried my hardest to keep a secret from people that I've known and been friends with for years). That definitely says something about the people I was subjected to everyday at sixth form. I didn't dislike the education side of it, I think I disliked the attitude of almost everyone there. I could never be myself in fear of being in the firing line of someone's disgusting joke. A lot of the boys were incredibly vile and childish and would do things that made me feel uncomfortable everyday but it was always excused as 'banter'. I can't believe I managed to put up with it for two full years.

I still speak to a handful of the people that were there. Good riddance to everyone else. I thought I'd miss them but I couldn't be happier that I don't see any of them anymore. Do not feel guilty if you wish to cut people out of your lives. Don't put up with being at the end of every single joke because your career goals are 'pathetic' or because you enjoy things that other people don't.

Find people that push you to accomplish your crazy dreams. Find people that can find the good in everything, someone that accepts everyone as their own person. Someone who doesn't have a bad word to say about a single person. That's the kind of people I'm now surrounded by. It's changed my whole outlook on life. You don't need to stick with a group of people because there's no one else. There are people out there that will accept you no matter what. Go out and find them and promise me that you'll never look back.

I've got no hard feelings for the people I've cut out of my life. I would be a totally different person if I didn't meet them. No more negativity.
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Friday, 26 December 2014

BOXING DAY OUTFIT

Hi guys! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. I didn't plan on posting today but I really like my outfit so thought I'd post it before I head to my Grandparents house to continue the celebrations with all of my Mum's family.

Black Jumper - Zara
Necklace - Topshop
Watch - Nixon
Coated Black Leigh Jeans - Topshop
Shoes - Topshop

I also thought I'd include a little FOTD selfie because I've decided to start wearing make up for the first time in about 3 years so I just thought I'd show you the simple look that I went for.


I hope you're all having a fantastic holiday and are spending lots of time with the people you love. I also thought I should write a little thanks to my little sister who took the photos of my last two OOTD's so thanks Keeley.

See you all soon x

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Thursday, 25 December 2014

CHRISTMAS DAY OUTFIT

Hi guys, Merry Christmas! I hope you're having an amazing day and got everything you wished for. I just want to say a little thanks to my parents for all of my lovely gifts, I'm very lucky :)

I thought I'd show you my Christmas Day outfit because obviously it's a special occasion and I made a bit more effort than usual.


Shirt - Topshop
Jumper - Zara
Jeans - Topshop Leigh
Boots - Newlook (on Asos)
Necklace - Topshop
Watch - Nixon
Lipstick - Rimmel Kate Moss Shade 30

I hope you like it, and I also hope you're not spending too long on the internet today! I'm at my grand parents house using their wifi so I'll be off now haha. Bye x
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Wednesday, 24 December 2014

CHRISTMAS 2013 WAS THE WORST

Last Christmas was the worst ever.
A few days before Christmas my Golden Retriever, Rosie, was ill and we had to rush her to the vets. She was diagnosed with cancer. My whole family were totally devastated. We were given medication to give to her to help her get through Christmas.

However, on Christmas day her condition deteriorated fast and we knew her time was up, she was no longer eating and struggled to get up from her bed. I spent the lead up to Christmas and the whole of Christmas day not able to eat much and I was constantly in tears. I spent the whole day laying next to her on her bed. During Christmas night through to boxing day we took turns sitting up with her and just stroking her so that she knew someone was there with her. One of my other dogs, Dottie, who is six spent a lot of the night laying next to her which was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

At 6am I went downstairs to sit with her and we then collectively made the decision to take her to the vets. After I sat with her for a while longer we said our final goodbyes and carried her out to the car. She passed away peacefully on the way to the vets.

It was so difficult for me and it's a hard thing for others' to get their head around but she was like my best friend. It was also hard to explain how I felt to some of my friends because it felt like I seemed quite pathetic for being so devastated. I hesitated to write this post for so long because even after several months it was still incredibly raw and any little thing that reminded me of her made me burst into tears.

So it's been almost a year. A year since she passed away. A lot of the time it felt like I wouldn't get over it. However, I slowly came to terms with the fact that she was around 12 years old. Sadly she would pass away at one point or another. I managed to find comfort in the fact that she wasn't ill for a huge amount of time, she passed away peacefully and thankfully didn't suffer.

Something that really resonates with me is something that the lovely Lily Melrose said in a post about grieving. Something along the lines of 'When someone dies know that they didn't stop loving you, they will continue to love you even though they are no longer here.'

As I said I know this post is not relevant for me anymore but it was a significant time in my life and I just felt like documenting it.

I hope you all have the most amazing Christmas and I'll see you tomorrow with a Christmas Day OOTD. I wanted to post this now because every post from now on will be positive and happy. See you soon x
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Wednesday, 17 December 2014

THERE'S NO ROOM FOR NEGATIVITY

Another impromptu post inspired by a good pal :)

Life is too short to be unhappy or to allow negativity to get the better of you. Life is short, do not waste a single second of it being unhappy. If there's one thing I've learnt in my life it's that everything works out eventually and you've just got to keep working for it. Quitters never prosper!

Life can throw some crap at you at times but it'll only make you stronger. You've got this, I believe in you.
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Monday, 15 December 2014

DECEMBER IS A BUSY MONTH

Hi guys, it's been quite a while since I last posted! November and December have been the two busiest months I've ever experienced. As some of you may know, I work for my Mum's handmade and personalised items business. With lots of orders coming in I've had to put my blog to the side to help as much as I can when I'm not at college.

Speaking of college, in the past two weeks I've had to hand in another two units of work and obviously I'm hoping to do the best that I can so I'm trying to put in as much work as possible. But with that out of the way I've been able to focus solely on getting all of the orders out in time for Christmas. I was hoping to go to London before Christmas Day but by the time we've completed the orders there won't be much time left so I may have to pop in after Christmas which is a shame because I really wanted to see the lights. I'll be trying my best to get there before though because London and Christmas are my favourite things so it would be nice to experience it.

In other news, I've had the same laptop for around five years now and for a long time it was great. However as it got older it just wasn't doing the job anymore. I've wanted a MacBook for so long but I've struggled to save the money because as all of my friends know, I'm the worst at saving money because I see clothes that I 'need' a lot.

Since starting my Graphic Design course I've realised even more that I do need a new computer and so with a lot of help from my parents I've been able to buy myself one. No more noisy computer, having to have it on a stand to prevent it from over heating or having to have it plugged in constantly like a desktop computer because the battery was knackered.

I hope this will also mean that blogposts can start becoming more frequent and I've got quite a few planned so look out for them in the coming weeks. It's been difficult to take blog pictures due there being no light when I get home from college and also finish work. Also, I finally have a computer that can handle video editing so as soon as this busy month is over I'm hoping to start uploading YouTube videos! So although this month is extremely busy, it's also been great and we're only halfway!

10 days until Christmas! Yaayyy
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Monday, 8 December 2014

JUST A THOUGHT: BODY CONFIDENCE

You can spend all your time and money changing parts of your body that you dislike, or you could invest both your time and money into truly living. Life is short and time waits for no one. Stop being unhappy and embrace your individuality.

After my confidence grew for a year, a few days ago I allowed myself to slip back into thinking that I need to change something about myself. My nose. I hate it, I absolutely despise it. 'No guy will like me because of it', 'I'll never feel pretty because of it'. Then I remember how far I've come. How much my confidence has grown. I went from not being able to find a single thing that I liked about my body to only being able to pin point one thing that I didn't particularly like. If someone were to dislike me simply because of one feature on my not so bad looking face then I don't want to be associated with them anyway.

As one of my friends told me, 'everyone has something they don't like about themselves, it's just human nature'.

Well, I say f**k you human nature, I've had enough of thinking that I need to look perfect to be beautiful. That in order to find a nice guy I've got to be perfect. I'm happy being perfectly imperfect and it's good enough for me.

Learn to love yourself because you're beautiful just the way you are. Wonky teeth, crooked nose, fat legs, thin legs. Whatever, you're perfect just the way you are.

Apologies for the deep post and the lack of posts, I've been busy but I'll be sure to post a few more of these little 'just a thought' blogposts as a little series so look out for them!
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