Tuesday, 30 December 2014

REMOVE THE BAD

I'm talking about friends.
Throughout school and life in general friends are found and friends are lost. It's just what happens.

I struggled to remove the bad and constantly forgave or ignored horrible things that were said about me or done to me. Because I hate change and I wanted to be accepted. I hated the thought of having to find a new group of friends if I chose to leave a previous group of friends. I struggle in those kind of situations but it's something I'm slowly learning to do. But for some reason I was so desperate to not leave these 'friends'. I used to leave the group of friends feeling like I was the topic of conversation as soon as the door closed behind me.

The reason I didn't leave my secondary to study my A levels elsewhere was because I was scared to lose my friends. So I endured two of the worst years of my life at sixth form due to my fear of change.

When I finished my A levels I didn't want to go to University but I managed to pluck up the courage to study somewhere else. I haven't look back since. I'm now a bit unsure about what to do. I feel like it's time to remove the last few 'bad' people from my life. Maybe not completely but I want them to understand that it's not the same as it used to be and these people shouldn't just assume that it is the same. Friendships are supposed to be equal and I don't feel like some of my friends are putting the effort in to seeing me, not as much as I wished to see them. But I don't miss it. Maybe it's because they were bad for me? I don't know but like I said, I'm happy now even though I haven't seen these people in a few months.

There have been people throughout my life who have said things about me that have really affected me negatively but I've forgiven them, however I don't forget because when other similar things arise in the same friendship I end up with a back log of reasons that I should not forgive the person again. I'm now surrounded by the greatest people ever at college. These people don't make me scared of being myself, I have been 100% myself since day 1. A lot of them have read my blog (something I tried my hardest to keep a secret from people that I've known and been friends with for years). That definitely says something about the people I was subjected to everyday at sixth form. I didn't dislike the education side of it, I think I disliked the attitude of almost everyone there. I could never be myself in fear of being in the firing line of someone's disgusting joke. A lot of the boys were incredibly vile and childish and would do things that made me feel uncomfortable everyday but it was always excused as 'banter'. I can't believe I managed to put up with it for two full years.

I still speak to a handful of the people that were there. Good riddance to everyone else. I thought I'd miss them but I couldn't be happier that I don't see any of them anymore. Do not feel guilty if you wish to cut people out of your lives. Don't put up with being at the end of every single joke because your career goals are 'pathetic' or because you enjoy things that other people don't.

Find people that push you to accomplish your crazy dreams. Find people that can find the good in everything, someone that accepts everyone as their own person. Someone who doesn't have a bad word to say about a single person. That's the kind of people I'm now surrounded by. It's changed my whole outlook on life. You don't need to stick with a group of people because there's no one else. There are people out there that will accept you no matter what. Go out and find them and promise me that you'll never look back.

I've got no hard feelings for the people I've cut out of my life. I would be a totally different person if I didn't meet them. No more negativity.
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