Saturday, 16 April 2016

HOW I'M FEELING

So, there is absolutely no plan or structure to this post. I just feel like I need to get my thoughts out of my brain and that's kind of how I started blogging first of all, I'd just word vomit (mainly because noone that knows me would read it). Now I know quite a few people that occasionally have a little browse and it makes me nervous to just spill my feelings onto the page but hey, it's my blog so I guess I'll just keep writing.


There are a few things that have been on my mind as of late and combined they're making me feel a little bit unhappy. Generally I'm a pretty happy soul most of the time but this week especially I've felt like poo. The main thing is my appearance. I just don't feel very happy about the way that I look; the main point being that I'm so unfit and do no exercise and my body just makes me feel a bit insecure. This is a strange feeling for me because I've never felt down about my figure or my body. I'm not a calorie counter, I don't weigh myself and if I'm honest I couldn't care less about my weight, I also don't care about what clothes size I wear. All I know is that my stomach's getting bigger and my confidence is diminishing as it goes.

The other thing (appearance wise) being my nose, basically, I hate my nose more than I can put into words and even though I'd come to terms with it being the way that it is I've been really unhappy about it. I've found myself making jokes with friends about it as a coping mechanism to try and make me feel better but it's really not helping anyone. I hate my nose, and the plan is (when funds allow) to have a nose job without a doubt.

Life in general is good, I've got such a lovely group of friends and I still love college as much as I did when I started. I've got the next year, at least, planned in terms of how I'll be spending most of my time but it still doesn't feel like enough. I've got some really big plans for my future, all of which revolve around me working for myself but I really just feel like time's flying away and I'll just end up running out of it.

My motivation levels are at an all time low and I just can't shake this mood. I'm trying my best to come up with cool blogpost ideas and write loads and draw lots but it feels like the more I try, the harder it is to come up with ideas that I think are even worth my time and effort. I'm sure that I said in February that the January blues were sticking around but I feel like they're still hovering above me, kind of like a big dull rain cloud is following me around.

Last week my family went to visit other family members in Ireland and I stayed at home with my brother. This was good but also slightly detrimental to my mood. I love being home alone, I love my own company (and my dogs are fab company too) and it just got me thinking about when I'll eventually be able to move out and have my own space to do whatever I fancy whenever I fancy.

WOW, I haven't written a negative/personal post like this for a good long while so I'm feeling a little cautious to post this. Hopefully by writing all these (minor in the grand scheme of life) issues will help me feel a little perkier about things again and I can get back to being my jolly self. For now I'm snuggled in a blanket with two of my furry friends drinking hot chocolate and I'm feeling pretty happy about it.
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