Sunday, 1 July 2018

JUST MY THOUGHTS

As usual, it's been a while! But it's been longer than it usually is when I say that! So, I just thought I'd sit down and write down how I'm feeling at the moment. Maybe it will motivate me to do more, maybe it'll just clear a bit of space in my brain! Let's see.

Something that has affected me a huge amount in the last month is the unfortunate passing of my next door neighbour, who was only a couple of years older than me. My family grew up next door to him and his lovely family, but tragically he suffered with mental illness and it took his life in May. At first it didn't seem real and on my drive to work the next day it pretty much hit me like a tonne of bricks. Thinking about his wonderful family and how they will have to move forward, his daughter and her future. I got to work and cried my eyes out, suicide is something that I'm so aware of but until it happens to someone you know it doesn't seem real.

This event has triggered something in me. I didn't post blogposts because I had no passion for the ideas I was coming up with and it all felt so ridiculous in the grand scheme of things. I had no motivation or oomf to just crack on and make what I want to make. I guess I just needed some time to reevaluate everything. I want to be proud of what I put out into the world, even if only one person stumbles across it.

We had his funeral last week, I knew instantly that I wanted to go to say my final goodbye to him, and to be there to support his family at their time of need. It warmed my heart see so many people who's lives he had touch, come and show their love and support. I really hope he could see it too!

On another note, I've been thinking about the future a lot. Wondering where I see my life heading. I've got such a lovely job with a great team of people around me, but I know I want to carry on with my own online shop too and do this in the evenings and at the weekends. It's been difficult to feel inspired, and I rarely feel like my ideas will materialise into something as great as I'd hoped they could be. It's just difficult when you work 40 hours a week because I'm pooped when I get home and the weekends fly in the blink of an eye :(

Aside from this, I've also been thinking about where I'd like to be in a few years time and I think I vaguely know where that place is. Maybe I'll have a house of my own, a dog, and hopefully I'll be working full time for myself at that point too. There are so many things that I want to achieve, and ideas I want to bring to life.

I just hope that I keep pushing myself to work harder for a little longer, it'll all pay off in the end.
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